Call of the Abyss
Calling of the Abyss: My Struggle With Nihilism Haven’t posted on here in a while… Well I suppose now is a better time than never. This post provide insight into my unending struggle with nihilism and suicidal ideation. Previously, I posted about the Loneliness Pandemic which I struggle with, along with many others in the world. Much like others, I isolate myself from the outside, locking myself in my apartment using video games, energy drinks and mindless videos as a sort of anesthetic to distract and numb me from the meaningless and wasted potential that is my life currently, especially within this decaying and rotting society. When I was younger. I had two close friends who were actual meaningful connections. This was way back when I made the actual conscious decision go outside and hangout, because what else was there to do? These days, everyone feels so disconnected from each other… Sure, you can meet a hundred people online from all over the world on social media or you could even try your luck at the dating apps but its all the same, truly I tell you there is no word more inflated than ‘friend’, its used so flippantly, maybe its just me but these days I feel connections are not nearly as strong as when I had friends when I was younger. Right now my friendships feel one-sided, transactional and empty? Is this what becoming an adult is? Or is it just simply that I am not as compatible as I think with others? Often when I arrive home to my apartment I wonder why I keep going onwards? My family? They have their own lives to worry about, I don’t have a partner or children, so nobody waiting for me at home. Also why is it in this shitty world do I have to work a 9-5 for 40~ hours a week just to purely survive? What cruel bastard thought that was a good idea? Why is it that I keep allowing myself to continue to wasting my potential and self sabotaging my ‘recovery’. I keep trying to say ‘I just need to get out more’ or I just need to ‘do these simple daily habits’ YET I KEEP SELF FUCKING SABOTAGING ALL THE TIME, I CANNOT TRUST MYSELF TO HAVE MY OWN BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. Maybes its just blind laziness or just lack of hope in myself? This all begs the pinnacle of all questions, the one that many others struggle with and I am no exception its the question of why the fuck am I still alive? What is it that compels me to remain in this world of suffering without purpose or meaning? This rotting society devoid of connection and community? I don’t have an answer for it. I just don’t know why I keep getting out of bed on the morning, why I keep getting up every fucking morning to go to work. I just do so for the sake of doing it… My introspection leads me to believe it could be my natural self preservation instincts that are too strong for me to truly follow through? Or maybe I am just simply comfortable in this misery? No matter how many times I tell myself ‘it is what it is‘ or just ‘Yeah life is hard, deal with it.‘. what is suffering without MEANING and PURPOSE? At least the ‘Greatest Generation’ fought a World War to preserve the world order, at least that is a noble purpose to live and die for? What of my generation? What glory does my generation get to overcome? What is the great struggle of our time needing to be overcome? Right now it only feels like the struggle is the struggle of the human condition and soul. Sometimes… I do fantasize about dying whilst fighting for my own country, that would be a noble and purposeful cause right? Sure, id die for the country but at least I LIVED for something…right? Yet no, I am condemned to struggle without purpose or meaning. What a senseless waste of existence. Condemned to wander aimlessly in pursuit of the purpose that alludes my sight so much. Do I even have the right to feel like this? I do exactly as society expects of me! I have my own home, I am not a freeloader. I pay my taxes and I claim no benefits, I have a good career and decent pay check. I have hobbies such as writing and doing IT projects (like this website) and I have built the gaming PC of my dreams. Yet despite all that I have done and achieved I fucking feel empty all the time and tired of the never ending struggle… I’ll leave you with this, I hope one day this will just a be a post that I can look back on one day and say that I overcame monotony and this abyss that has ripped open my soul. One day, I hope. Until then, please be well everyone. I suppose I’ll keep moving forward for the time being. đź’• Taku's Posts Call of the Abyss ByTakumori March 7, 2025 Venting Calling of the Abyss: My Struggle With Nihilism Haven’t posted on here in a while… Well… The Loneliness Epidemic​ ByTakumori June 22, 2024 Philosophy The Loneliness Epidemic: Technology and Isolation The modern age and the technological revolution…
The Loneliness Epidemic​
The Loneliness Epidemic: Technology and Isolation The modern age and the technological revolution has brought about countless advancements in all facets of our lives and all sectors of industry, I believe wholeheartedly that those who were born in the 90’s and early 00’s would have grown up in a society going through the whirlwind that was the transitional period into the technologically abundant and innovative era that we now find ourselves in. I myself personally contribute to this technological era through my day job in IT and communities that I run in virtual reality. I distinctly recall back in 2009, where I was only 9 at the time, that I had my first flip phone, for the life of me I cannot remember the brand but it was fantastically cool at the time being able to hang up on people with just the flip of my phone which definitely makes for a theatrical and dramatic scene, however the flip phone was limited in its capacity compared to smartphones today it only allowed me to call, text and would only store but one mp3 file admittedly it was ‘Eminem – Ass Like That’… I also only had Snake that I could play on the phone and an internet browser that was frustratingly clunky and slow, I think it was Opera. Suffice to say all I saw my mobile phone at the time back then was just as another utility not necessarily the “Swiss army knife of tools” that we use them as today.  Whilst I do have a deep love for technology I also believe that it has also had considerable consequences on our societies, particularly social interaction and interpersonal relationships. Sure, social media has allowed us to become connected with millions of people but ultimately I see these days that a lot of younger people and even myself are so enamoured with our phones, games and social media that its causing this loneliness pandemic because we are all addicted to our devices which takes away from real human interaction, even more so with the advent of artificial intelligence which every business is trying to jump on the bandwagon and promote as heavily as they can. Perhaps all this is just my biased anecdotal ramblings and maybe it is (its my website after all), but truly I believe that we should really strive for a balance in our society particularly in children to actually have in real life social interactions as well as online because it cannot be understated how much can be gained from real social interaction rather than just talking to someone on a Discord voice chat or texting. There is so much more to people that is just unseen from the picturesque profiles on social media and or masked characters and personalities you find online. Body language being a language all of its own to learn, it can teach you so so much about someone, particularly their intent and sincerity. Its so much more easier to figure out if someone is being manipulative by looking at how they present themselves and how they react when talking. Also take this bit with a grain of salt, because I have absolutely no way of backing this up with proof but I have this suspicion that social media and by extension our dependence on technology have directly contributed to increased social anxiety and depression. I personally feel that we would rather all stay hooked to our technology and devices, wasting our days away watching mind-numbing stuff on YouTube just to simply stave off boredom, when in fact what we ought to be focusing on as a society and individuals is weaning our selves off social media and moving to create/join groups in the real world, so to speak “get out of your room and go outside” like many a parent might have said during your childhood! And perhaps its a cop out if I just blame technology for my own depression but I do believe its a huge factor in it, to the extent that I recognise its role in my life as wasting what precious time I have left on this earth. I have been personally focusing on meeting new people in IRL, trying to find groups and folks to hang out with however its increasingly difficult, to find people IRL, especially not without financial cost or just even stuff that I believe I would actually take interest in participating in. I guess I just gotta keep looking and saying yes to doing stuff rather than making an excuse or saying no. I and perhaps many others really ought to step out of their comfort zones into the great unknown that is the real world, because ultimately you must remember you will die someday ‘Momento Mori’, and I say that not to be negative, I say that to hopefully inspire urgency. Please if you are reading this, please look at your relationship with technology in your life, are you controlling the technology in your life or is it controlling you? P.S: Thanks for reading my first post, at some stage ill add a comment box and email subscription for those that want to respond. Taku's Posts The Loneliness Epidemic​ ByTakumori June 22, 2024 Philosophy The Loneliness Epidemic: Technology and Isolation The modern age and the technological revolution…